Good evening. It's just after 9pm Eastern as I type this while listening to the Chamber music channel on my phone. I hope you're settling into post-Christmas life and that the New Year is looking up so far.
I received several books for Christmas this year, including Do I Stay Christian? by Brian McLaren, which I'm almost half way through now. As you're probably aware, I struggle with what a life of faith looks like for me these days, so I thought I'd write a bit about that.
As a lightning-quick refresher for anyone reading this who doesn't know my background, I was born into the conservative evangelical (and fundamentalist) Christian tradition in the late 1970's, and I quickly adopted those beliefs and that worldview, not knowing of any other appropriate way to believe or live one's life. I was involved in church activities usually 3 times a week. I eventually became involved in music ministry, which only grew as I went on to attend a small conservative evangelical Bible college in the late 90's. I led worship, was part of missionary committees, and was an R.A. on my dorm. Near the end of my time there, I had a crisis of faith and after several excruciating weeks I decided I would leave and take a year off to get myself straightened out. I never went back, and within a few years I had stopped calling myself a Christian whatsoever, not knowing of any way to live within the faith that was not of the conservative evangelical bent. I eventually became a Unitarian Universalist and found my home in a local congregation. It was a highly needed place where I could ask questions and be truly myself without fear of judgment. I'll always deeply appreciate that place and am glad to still have some connections and close friendships from those times.
It was March of 2020 I think when I made the decision to re-engage with Christianity, to walk a Christian path. For years I had remained interested in the faith and read mostly progressive/liberal Christian authors to remain aware of where parts of Christianity were going. I eventually missed having more of a spiritual component to my life and a path to follow, which is what led me to decide to re-enter the faith one day as I walked along a trail near my house.
When I think about what I mean when I say I am a Christian now is much different than what I meant when I was say 8 years old. And shouldn't it look different? Mustn't we always be growing, even evolving in our faith life? We grow and evolve in all other areas of our lives - why not our spiritual lives?
To be Christian, for me, is again about following a path or walking on a path, rather than sitting down on a part of the path and saying "There! I've arrived at the absolute truth and I can fold my hands and know that I'm all set for life now!"
The early Christians were referred to as followers of The Way, not as those who believed all the correct theology. Indeed, many different Christian movements emerged that featured many different theologies. Eventually and unfortunately Christianity wasn't about following a Way anymore; it became about making sure you held the right theology or believed all the right doctrines. What a stale and stagnant and uninspiring way to define faith! Faith, to me, is a commitment to growth and evolution while walking a path that looks a lot like the path Jesus walked.
Let me tell you that there are many days even recently when I have wondered "What the hell have I done in re-engaging with Christianity. I see misogyny, abuse scandals, the growing scourge of Christian nationalism, and particularly the leaning toward gatekeeping and exclusivism that rear their ugly heads. Somehow Christianity for some has become a club where upstanding members that look very much like you and I decide who is in and who is out, and who is saved and who is unsaved. Christianity for many has become about wielding increasing power in the halls of government and about shunning those who are already marginalized, such as people of colour, women, LGBTQ folks. Of course this shunning looks nothing like the Jesus who consistently befriended and included the marginalized of his day. And Christianity was never about gaining political power or success. Rather it was about subverting and critiquing political power.
To put it briefly, I want simply to be a follower of the Way of Jesus. I have no interest in the exclusive club of Christianity that is so sadly prevalent in many parts of our world. And as Jesus saw value and included those of other cultures and traditions, I also include people who don't look like me, love exactly like me, or believe what I believe.
Following the way of Jesus is about compassion, empathy, kindness, love, and all those other qualities that are also listed as being fruits of the spirit. Are Christians the only humans who can exemplify those traits? Of course not. So I walk hand in hand with those of other faiths or no religious faith at all who are committed to these virtues.
I am sometimes (often?) tempted to say Screw It and leave Christianity behind again. But if all of us pack our bags and leave, where is the faith going to head? It will fall into the hands of those gatekeepers and exclusivists who often do much damage in the name of Jesus.
So I remain a Christian, and am encouraged and inspired when I can connect with others doing their best to follow the Way. I am so thankful for progressive Christian communities and churches. I remain Christian because I long to see these communities grow, and to contribute to a world where no one is excluded from being God's Beloved.
Thanks for taking a few moments to read along. Goodnight.
Mark-Andrew
