As I sit here on Queen Street in downtown Kitchener, a question comes to mind that has been posed by some of the greatest, most respected minds in history. Aristotle, Emerson, Jung, the Buddha, Ghandi to name a few. The question: How much of your shit do you have to have together before you allow yourself to love and be loved?
Do we mistakenly think that we have to be on an endless search for absolute wholeness before we experience what it's like to be in a loving relationship with someone? Just how hard are we on ourselves? Think about it for a minute. When you see a good friend who is struggling through something or possesses a trait that they are frustrated with, how do you respond? "GET AWAY FROM ME! Come back when you're all better!" No. We are more than often gentle and kind and loving, and we see who they really are besides what they are struggling with.
We are often WAY too hard on ourselves, expecting perfection and casting ourselves into isolation in order to "figure things out" before we dare try to love or, even more, be loved.
Bringing too much unnamed shit into a relationship is often not the greatest thing to do, and expecting another person to fix you can also be a relationship-breaker. But must we go through it alone?
There is something about the touch of another person's skin, or running your hands through their hair, or listening to their heart beat that can be more healing than 10 self-help books or 4 doses of Xanax.
Maybe we don't have to be islands, maybe we just need to be real, be honest, and say, "Hey, I don't have it all together, but I'd like to try loving you and being loved by you."
Don't be so hard on yourself.
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