Most of us
hate weakness. We squirm and we get frustrated when we are faced with a
weakness in ourselves, and we will do almost anything to change the situation.
We buy
self-help books, we try counselling, we try a new weight plan, we pray
differently. And none of these things are necessarily bad. But it’s remarkable
how we try to immediately get rid of our weaknesses.
Or perhaps
we try to drown our weaknesses out. We turn on the TV, we spend 5 hours at a
time online. We listen to music almost every second of the day – just so we
don’t have to look at our weaknesses.
But what if
we’ve got it all wrong? What if our weaknesses can be a gift? Our weaknesses,
whatever they may be – physical, mental, emotional, financial, spiritual, can
be things that usher us into a new and even better way of life. Of course this
doesn’t mean we will necessarily be happy about it, not at all; a few choice
epithets may be used when we finally sit down and face our weaknesses. But yes, they can lead us to a different way
of life.
And a lot of the time is it the
Universe/The Divine bringing about exactly what we have always wanted but just
haven’t consciously worked toward achieving.
Let me give
you an example from my life. For many years I had the thought planted in my
mind that I really didn’t want gifts to be a big deal at Christmastime, either
buying or receiving them. I wanted Christmas to be about family and friends,
and the feeling you get when you attend a Christmas Eve service. I wanted it to
be about Bing Crosby and Jimmy Stewart and egg nog. Still, I went on buying and buying. Now, I
should say that I did not do this begrudgingly, I like giving gifts, but it’s
always been a thought of mine that “Why do people spend way too much money
which they don’t have on Christmas presents that they can’t afford at ONE time of the year, when we
claim that that’s not what Christmas is about, and when we could instead just
be concentrating on caring for each other the other 364 days of the year?”
I kept buying and buying.
But now the
last 2 years the Divine has brought me to a situation where I have very little
money and simply can not buy presents – I mean any presents. Now, I wish that I could give at least one gift to
the people I care about, and I will enjoy it when I receive a few gifts this
Christmas, but I am quickly getting out of the rat race of gift-buying at
Christmastime.
And to many
this would seem like a weakness. “What do you mean you can’t afford to take
your friend out for a nice dinner?” “What do you mean you can’t afford this or
that?” But really, it is a gift. If I
have wanted to develop kindness, love, sincerity, peacefulness in life for a
long time, there’s a good chance that material things have been distracting
me.
Now, am I
embracing this new, pared-down lifestyle?
I’d be lying if I said I am thrilled about it yet. But I believe that
this financial “weakness” – along with the mental challenges of major
depression - can actually be seen as
gifts. They are gifts that are saying, “Mark Andrew, what kind of person do you
really want to be? Hold on for a minute. Do you really want to be less
materialistic? Do you really want to be less busy? Well, kiddo, here’s your chance. It may hurt
like hell for quite awhile as you get used to it, but here you go.”
So the next
time you look a mirror at yourself and see a perceived weakness, maybe you
should ask yourself if it really is a gift in disguise, and if there is a
positive, life-enhancing lesson to be learned.
This Christmas, a gift that I am slowly unwrapping within my
mind and heart and learning to embrace is the gift of weakness.
"Where is peace to be found? The answer
is clear. In weakness. First of all, in our own weakness, in those places of
our hearts where we feel most broken, most insecure, most in agony, most
afraid. Why there? Because there our familiar ways of controlling our world are
being stripped away; there we are called to let go from doing much, thinking
much, and relying on our self-sufficiency. Right there where we are weakest,
the peace which is not of this world is hidden." ~ Henri J.M. Nouwen
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