Waterloo, Ontario
Soundtrack: Norah Jones - Day Breaks
It's a frigid evening here in Southern Ontario, and I just got in from seeing a pretty lousy movie; you know, one of those films that gets 95% on Rotten Tomatoes and has some Oscar buzz, but turns out to be as enjoyable as a root canal. I won't mention the film's name, lest I give it a bad name (okay, it was The Florida Project - do yourself a favour and save your money. Go see The Shape of Water instead - it's terrific.)
The latest Norah Jones album is playing here in my sanctuary of love and lust (otherwise known as my bedroom.) The album is a return to her jazz roots, and it's so smooth that I can't decide if it's very good or very forgettable, or perhaps both. I'll keep playing it.
So it's New Years Day, and I thought it obligatory of me to write a blogpost, ,something that I haven't done in a very long time. I used to write all the time, both on this blog and on a satirical news blog that I created. But then a funny thing happened: words escaped me. However, on this momentous occasion, I thought it incumbent on me to at least try to fumble through something (and so far, I'm most impressed by my ability to use the words "obligatory" and "incumbent" in the same paragraph.)
Do you make New Years resolutions? If so, how's that going for you? We're about 18 hours into 2018, and hey, there's no judgment here if you've already broken them all. I personally don't make New Years resolutions for some reason or another, but I was excited that I was invited to a friends place last night to ring the new year in (though I politely declined). Instead I ate chocolate, and drank smoked beer from this brewery in Germany that I visited when my girlfriend dumped me for having spent a week on the psych ward (or some reason or another.)
What good are resolutions? What good are declarations? I have a friend on Facebook who follows self-named "prophets" and "prophetesses" who are always declaring things in the name of the Lord.
I declare that 2018 will bring abundance!
I declare that 2018 will see a major breakthrough in your life!
I declare that only good is in store for you this year!
Charlatans, I say. Charlatans. (With apologies to Joel Osteen, who has a book entitled I Declare!)
However, I must admit that it was only a few years ago that I was sucked in by such declarations and fantasies. For awhile I was part of a church that was all about the "law of attraction," The Secret, and prosperity-thinking. If someone was sick, they weren't supposed to say "I am sick." Instead they were supposed to use positive affirmations such as "I am healed, healthy, and whole. Every cell of my body radiates health." If you were poor, you didn't say "I am poor." Instead you declared "I am a child of God and therefore I inherit abundance and prosperity." And then you hoped like hell that you weren't just shouting to the wind. Oftentimes you were.
Aren't we fooling ourselves if we think that with the stroke of midnight comes not only a new year, but a new you? Seriously, I'm asking! Tell me if I'm wrong!
2017 saw some good times and some bad times for me. The good included meeting new friends (psst! Rayne, I'm talking to you!) as well as a relocation to this city after having been away for 4 years. I reconnected with my current religious congregation (which is devoid of declarations) as well as with the political party I support and friends that live up here.
The bad included the ongoing shit that is PTSD, depression, and anxiety, being ghosted by a lover, my declining metabolism, and The Florida Project.
I can not (or will not) find it in myself to resolve to do anything extra new or special in 2018, except perhaps to get writing again. What I can do is to let love and the simple pleasures in one day at a time. To finally heed the teachings of authors who speak of being in the moment and being mindful in all that you do. And to commit to watching better movies, drinking better beer, and engaging in much more sweet love - it's better than Klonapin.
I will declare one thing as i finish off this post. I declare that you are enough, just as you are, and that you are a gift. Thanks for reading.
Mark Andrew
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