Evolving Past God

It seems to me that perhaps the greatest wish that most parents have is the desire to see their children grow up to be self-sufficient. In effect, if they have parented effectively, they have protected, nurtured, fed, and encouraged their child and that child no longer "needs" them. Of course in healthy child-parent relationships, they still are happy to be in one another's lives, but it's different now, it's a relationship between two grown adults.

I wonder if the same can be said about our relationship with God. Early in our spiritual or religious lives we learn to rely on God for nurturing, encouragement, insight, and a kind of spiritual feeding.  We even call God Father or Mother and we talk to this kind of Celestial Parent. I've previously wrote about this God as being viewed or used as a sort of Santa-God figure in the sky. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He knows if we've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake. Just like any parent corrects and punishes their children, so does God we say. What's more, we think we can influence this God to give us good things, just like when we were a child and behaved nicely whenever we wanted ice cream. We think that we can influence God with our prayers. If we pray enough or using the right words, God will heal us or provide jobs for us or help our favourite team win the World Series. 

I had some thoughts on this tonight as I readied myself for bed. What if humankind can not evolve spiritually until we leave behind this parent-like view of God? As it is, we all-too-often and currently see examples of warring humans who in effect are saying, "I am God's favoured child, and you are not!" Divisions abound and millions are destroyed all in the name of this God. But what's more, we may never grow into who we were meant to be if we continue to see God as a separate Being from us. What a difference it would be if instead we saw each other, in each and every human being on the face of this fragile planet, as nothing less than an expression, an imprint, a manifestation of the Divine. I wouldn't be suspicious of you and you wouldn't even think of harming me. (Expand this to all living creatures and even our habitat and you can see the tremendously positive repercussions for our world!) 

What if God isn't a separate Being to be worshiped, but a living, breathing reality to be lived out and experienced? 

What if it's time to put off childish things?

What if it's time to evolve past this view of God?

mark-andrew

God Breathes As We Breathe

Sometimes I think we believe that in order to connect with God we must "go within" or effectively tune out the things that we feel and sense around us. We think that we can experience God mainly by eliminating all of the sensory stimulants that we feel; that is, we say, when true prayer can begin.

But what if God is instead fully incarnate in our bodies? What if a good thorough cry is as good as a prayer, a belly laugh as beneficial as going away on retreat, and making love as divine as times of worship? Surely it's not an either/or dichotomy, but how often do we retreat from the very vessels - temples - that we have been provided with in our bodies?

What if God cries as we cry, laughs as we laugh, makes love as we make love, and suffers along with us when we feel pain? Furthermore, what if God inhabits the very parts of us that we find undesirable in ourselves - the gut, the stretch marks, the receding hairline, the blemishes?

As long as we have breath in these mortal bodies, we have countless opportunities to encounter the divine.

God Is Like An Octopus - Updated

I believe that God is like an octopus and we are their tentacles. Each person, each living thing has been and is a chance for the Creator to experience this thing called life and to be in relationship. There are so many colours and cultures and religions, each seemingly different but really we're all One. Instead of simply being God, we have - so far - made an idol, called God separate and worshiped them. When all God desires is to live and to experience and to love. Each of us is a wave in the great ocean of God. We are never truly born and we never truly die - we just change shape. We rise and we fall. It is so tempting to pray TO God, but today I feel like praying AS an expression, an extension of God in this grand universe. And all I can say is this: May I swim boldly in God's great sea of love, experiencing love in every face and with every interaction and every relationship. Amen.

The New Years Blues

It shouldn't come as a real surprise that this would happen. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've sunken into a depression several times shortly after Christmas and New Years are over. This year is no different. Maybe it's because I look forward to, and enjoy, the holidays so much, with all the strings of lights, the lit-up tree, the movies and the kitschy music. Maybe it's just a natural let-down. Maybe it's because the specter of 2.5 or 3 months more of darkness, cold and snow are ahead. Whatever it is, this feeling sucks. I've felt it coming on for the last week or so, and today it's obvious. Depression is visiting me again.  

I notice when I'm depressed because the actual feeling of depression is rather rare for me anymore. I mean, I can and do get very down with a poor outlook, but the actual physical feeling of depression is more than often staved off by a concoction of medications. I'm thankful for said meds, but there's a significant drawback: the inability to feel deeply, namely the inability to shed a tear, when a good cry might be all that I need some days. 

During times like this I feel purposeless, hopeless, directionless, and kind of a waste of space. These are longstanding feelings/outlooks that I've had for probably 15 years or so. It is absolutely true that once you're an adult it is your responsibility to find healing from the trauma you may have faced earlier on on your life. But that doesn't make it fucking easier. Over the years I've tried individual and group therapy, CBT, DBT, mindfulness groups, even brief hospitalizations to try to move on from the trauma and abuse that I lived throughout my childhood/formative years. But there seems to be some trauma that therapy or meds or a positive outlook or spirituality cannot touch. If you were to ask me several years ago what the tangible effects of my trauma were, I'd list off my psychiatric diagnoses: major depression, generalized anxiety, a touch of OCD just for the hell of it, and complex PTSD. 

Complex PTSD is the most recent and most accurate diagnosis for me. Unlike regular PTSD (which I hear is also a nightmare), complex PTSD happens when someone experiences prolonged trauma over a long period of time, not just on one occasion. Depression and anxiety often ensue. But another thing that can result, and this is the case with me, is that a person can feel adrift, rudderless, without purpose. STUCK. That's the truth about me, there it is folks. Behind the puns and the inspirational religious quotes that I post on social media, there's this feeling of being lost in a deep wood without a compass of any kind. There are myriads of self-help books out there that aim/promise? to help you achieve your dreams and goals. But here's the rub: What if you have no idea what your dreams or goals are? Find me a book or guru talking about that and I'll owe you a coffee! 

All in all, it's a more than frustrating place to be in, and a positive outlook just seems next to impossible on some days. Today is a rather bad one. 

Thanks for journeying along with me by reading this, and for your friendships, which truly does make a huge difference in my life. I don't know where I'd be if not for my close friends and family. You know who you are. 

Whatever you may be dealing with today, I offer my love and support. I'm only a message away.

Mark-Andrew