Turning 40: Silencing The Inner Critic

The deceiving inner critic is the closest thing to a devil that I have experienced.

The Inner Voice of Love is, in comparison, akin to The Holy Spirit.

Good afternoon, it's been awhile. I hope that those of you who are reading this are doing well and enjoying your day. It's a perfectly sunny summer day, with the temperature hovering around 21; ah, if every day could be like this. I find myself at Tim Hortons drinking something that sort of resembles coffee. Oh Starbucks, how I miss thee!

I turn 40 a week from today, and I keep wondering when the panic or mid-life crisis is going to set in. But I've realized something. I already went through my mid-life crisis a couple of years ago (does that mean I will die at 76?) It is a relief to be able to come upon such a milestone birthday and be able to enjoy it in the present moment, rather than worrying about getting old.

Still, as 40 approaches, and has been the case for most of my life, the inner critic seems to always be there. Sometimes it lays dormant for a short while, sometimes it bellows. Perhaps you are personally very familiar with what I'm referring to. It says things like:

• "Look at what everyone around you has accomplished. You're a failure in comparison."
• "You're a joke, a fraud."
• "You're lazy."
• "You should have owned (insert here) or had this relationship with (name here) by now."
• "You're ugly."

There are a myriad of other things that the inner critic says. At its worst, it says, "What's the point of going on? You've failed and you're never going anywhere. Why not end it all?"

I haven't believed in the devil/Satan in a very long time, nor do I today. But perhaps this negative self-talking inner critic is the closest thing to "The Deceiver" as we can experience. 

During the times when we are being deceived, or even tormented by the inner critic, we would do well to attend to the angel on our other shoulder, or what I (like the late priest and author Henri Nouwen) call the Inner Voice of Love. This is the voice that says things like:

• "You are worth far more than you can imagine."
• "There is no one quite like you. You are a unique gift to the world."
• "Stop comparing yourself to others."

Perhaps the phrase that this inner voice of love most regularly says to me is "Be gentle with yourself." The inner voice of love is the closest thing to the Holy Spirit that I can imagine.

What does your inner critic, your "Deceiver" say to you? What helps you to breathe and to listen to your higher inner voice instead?

On the verge of 40, my higher voice is telling me to start a meditation practice (for me, it's probably a walking meditation - just spending time in nature and taking the time to breathe).

Wherever you find yourself in life, I hope that you know that you are more than what your inner critic says you are.

mark-andrew